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Tuesday, July 5, 2016

DALLEN H OAKS ARTICLE AND ADDICTS



Dallen H. Oaks came out with an article not too long ago about the several severities of porn addiction. There seems to be a lot going on about this article.
     1st, it was directed to the youth, those who have had far less time with a bad habit or “little problem" and not adults who have repeated this act over and over until it has become an addiction. Why post it in the Ensign then? Probably for parents with teens.
     2nd, IF YOU ARE USING DALLEN H. OAKS’S ARTICLE TO JUSTIFY YOUR LOOKING AT PORN AND MASTURBATION, YOU ARE AN ADDICT. If you are trying to find ways to justify to yourself, to your wife, and to others that you AREN'T an addict, then you are an addict.
     Clarification? Pornography and masturbation are bad. Remember Christ saying if you lust in your heart you've committed adultery? Remember somewhere else in the scriptures where Christ says adultery is second only to denying the Holy Ghost? If it's that bad, then stop it. If you can't you have lost your control over it and it controls you. That means you are addicted.
     There might very well be levels of porn lookers, I understand that. Dallen H Oaks talks about that. Once those porn lookers have read Oaks’s article and realized it was bad and stopped and stayed stopped, awesome. That means they weren't addicted.
    But if they stopped and where super strong at first and then felt crazy by 3 months, and then relapsed, they are addicted. If they struggled by the 3 month mark, but then overcame the trail and went 7 months, 12 months, 2 years, and relapsed, they are addicted, and if they are addicted the article by Dallen H Oaks is not applicable to them.
    Pornography addiction is cancer. It either grows or it is in remission. If you aren't addicted and you continue to look at porn, you will be addicted. Why? Because not following God's commandments brings guilt. We either do something positive with that guilt, or we run from it. Which means we generate fear over guilt inside of us and create this repelling agent called shame. Shame causes us to hide and keep doing things we shouldn't. The more shame we experience, the more we have, the more we have to do to run from it. it's cumulative, and the only way to get away from it is to accept defeat, accept the shame, accept guilt, confess, repent, NOT DO IT AGAIN.
      What do you call someone that keeps repenting over the committing of the same sins again and again? An addict, or at the very least insane.
     Sorry, I'm just really tired of guys trying to use an apostle’s article to justify them not being “that"bad.
     A recent article by about addict claims that some guys shouldn't think they are, or be told they are addicts when they aren't. I find it slightly laughable. Because what's the worst that can happen by going to SAL addiction meetings? You feel the spirit and love in a fellowship too much? You are taught how to better communicate with God? You begin to see positive character change? We wouldn't want that.
      Addicts lie, addicts hide, addicts deceive, manipulate, cover up, tell misguided truths. Addicts don't want to change, not at first. Remember we are riding shotgun for our addiction most of the time.
    Our addiction, or how many of us in SAL like to call it, our addict, really is like cancer, but it's a sophisticated concert that is self-aware and will do whatever possible to survive. Don't let yourself be conned into thinking “all is well".

6 comments:

  1. Thanks for the article. I wrote about this very topic too (http://bit.ly/elder-oaks-talk-on-pornography) and feel the same way you do.

    I mean, WHO in their right mind would want to feel the Spirt more, learn to communicate with God in a better and more real way, and associate with other guys who are also trying to rid their life of porn and masturbation...?

    I feel the talk by Elder Oaks could be modified some by saying there are different levels of addiction, but NOT different levels of viewing pornography. If one looks at pornography and then comes back to it again by their choice, even if it's 3 months or 6 months later, that's addiction. "Once is too many times and a thousand times is never enough."

    Thanks for the post.

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    1. Haha, seriously! Who'd ever want more spirit in their life?! Maybe I'm crazy! Yeah, if you can't stop then your an addict, I don't know any other way to put it, and it's sad that I hear people mention that talk, and then start thinking maybe they aren't really addicted. I know in the long run, an addict will do all they can to stay in addiction, but I try not to help them do it.
      Thanks for your comment!

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  2. I don't agree. I believe the article was written to all people who have a problem viewing pornography, young and old, male and female.

    I think the "addict" label gets thrown around way to much among porn viewers, which I think is why Elder Oaks was inspired to write this article. It's almost as if these so called addicts want everyone to throw them a pity party. It has become a crutch for some, because "hey, I can't help it. I'm an addict".

    In the psychology community there is debate on whether pornography is even a real addiction, as they define the term. I've known drug addicts and how crazy they can get, even dangerous, when they don't get their fix. I don't know any pornography users that act that way when they've been without.

    Even so, I agree with Elder Oaks' measured approach in that pornography is addicting, just not in the same way as substance abuse. I used to think I was an addict until reading his article. And no, I don't rationalize my relapses. Evil is still evil no matter how many times you view it. All the levels are evil besides inadvertent exposure, but I identify with the "occasional use", because when I do slip it is intentional, but honestly it is far and few between, and Yes I do visit the bishop every time it happens, which thankfully is a lot less these days. I probably used to be an addict, but through a lot of work and God's grace, I've moved away from that. A lot of people like to paint pornography addiction like alcoholism, once an alcoholic always an alcoholic. I totally disagree, at least that hasn't been my experience. I'm disgusted by what I used to view; not perfect yet, but I'm not an addict anymore. The reason I know this is because addicts can't do occasional use. They might white knuckle for awhile, but when they slip it lasts for awhile. Just think about it. Maybe cut yourself a break and stop calling yourself an addict. Don't stop what you're doing to overcome it, but drop the label. I guess some might say it's just semantics, but words are powerful, and there is a lot of meaning expressed by the word "addicted" which is harmful to those who really aren't.

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    1. I wrote a response, but it was too big to be a response, so I just made it a post. Thanks for your comments.
      I'm sorry you feel the way you do. That's your choice. This isn't for everyone. Let me know how that goes for you. God bless.

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    2. I commented on the comment on the other post and wrote about that talk as well here.

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    3. Thanks Nate. Read your post.

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