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Saturday, July 9, 2016

SOMEONE’S COMMENT TO MY POST “DALLEN H. OAKS ARTICLE and ADDICTS”



SOMEONE’S COMMENT TO MY POST “DALLEN H. OAKS ARTICLE and ADDICTS” and my following response. I am sorry but I’m long winded.

I don't agree. I believe the article was written to all people who have a problem viewing pornography, young and old, male and female.

I think the "addict" label gets thrown around way to much among porn viewers, which I think is why Elder Oaks was inspired to write this article. It's almost as if these so called addicts want everyone to throw them a pity party. It has become a crutch for some, because "hey, I can't help it. I'm an addict".

In the psychology community there is debate on whether pornography is even a real addiction, as they define the term. I've known drug addicts and how crazy they can get, even dangerous, when they don't get their fix. I don't know any pornography users that act that way when they've been without.

Even so, I agree with Elder Oaks' measured approach in that pornography is addicting, just not in the same way as substance abuse. I used to think I was an addict until reading his article. And no, I don't rationalize my relapses. Evil is still evil no matter how many times you view it. All the levels are evil besides inadvertent exposure, but I identify with the "occasional use", because when I do slip it is intentional, but honestly it is far and few between, and Yes I do visit the bishop every time it happens, which thankfully is a lot less these days. I probably used to be an addict, but through a lot of work and God's grace, I've moved away from that. A lot of people like to paint pornography addiction like alcoholism, once an alcoholic always an alcoholic. I totally disagree, at least that hasn't been my experience. I'm disgusted by what I used to view; not perfect yet, but I'm not an addict anymore. The reason I know this is because addicts can't do occasional use. They might white knuckle for awhile, but when they slip it lasts for awhile. Just think about it. Maybe cut yourself a break and stop calling yourself an addict. Don't stop what you're doing to overcome it, but drop the label. I guess some might say it's just semantics, but words are powerful, and there is a lot of meaning expressed by the word "addicted" which is harmful to those who really aren't.


 MY RESPONSE:
I'm sorry you feel that way. I obviously disagree with you, but that's totally okay.

I believe that someone who keeps coming back to it, can't stop it, is powerless over it (shown by going back to it and not being able to stop it) is addicted. If I'm powerless over my drug of choice, I'm addicted. Whether I look at it a lot or a little, if I can't leave it, I'm addicted to it.
I also don't believe that someone can be an addict and then not be an addict. I agree with the term "Once an alcoholic always an alcoholic" because I know this to be true of myself. God has definitely worked a mighty miracle in me, a day of sobriety to me is as big a miracle as Jesus healing the blind, causing the lame to walk, raising the dead. Sobriety each day is a miracle of God's grace to me.
I don't believe the label "addict" get's thrown around enough. Not in a serious manner. Addicts that use such phrases like, "I can't help it, I'm an addict." Are also those who are not working toward sobriety and eventual recovery. They use it as a justification for their habit. That in no way show's any work towards sobriety. Including the 1st step, which is honesty.
I do say that pornography addiction is a low ball phrase for the much greater addiction, Lust. I don't need pornography to lust, I can use my head. I can lust in different ways. I can make the most basic things become pornographic to my broken brain. If you'd like some good insight into the destructive process lust and pornography and sex have on the brain, He Restoreth My Soul is a good book to read. We KNOW, yeah, know as in proven evidence, that an addiction to lust/pornography destroys the brain, especially the frontal lobe.
I KNOW the dangers of porn/lust addicts. I've met and talked to several who have planned out the murder of their wives and children. I don't know any porn addict who has not been abusive to his wife and kids. I know men who have molested their siblings, who have given their wives various sexually transmitted diseases, some of which have caused miscarriage. These are very very very dangerous things that sex/porn/lust addicts do when they need their fix. If Jesus himself said to lusteth after someone in their heart is the same as adultery, and that adultery was the second worst thing you can do, other than deny the Holy Ghost, then I put sex/lust/porn addiction at the top of the "dangerous addictions" list.
I have witnessed my own wife, upon finding out about my addiction, DOUBT GOD. I don't know if there is anything more damaging to one's eternal progression than to DOUBT their connection to God. Depending on what they choose at this juncture, this is worse than death. I personally know spouses of these addicts, who had experienced other addictions, drugs, alcohol, prescription pills, who would MUCH rather have their spouses addicted to those instead of pornography.
As the "White Book" or Sexaholics Anonymous book states, "Lust killed Love..." And that is true. Lust destroys the mind. Lust perverts and twists my view of reality SO much that I cannot see it clearly.
So for you to say that you do not know any pornography users that go crazy when they don't get their fix tells me that they aren't being honest with you, or you aren't being honest with me. Unless you are one of those people that have just a "little problem" and "can stop at any time". If you are one of those, I have no idea about anything you are talking about. I'm not a "normal person". I'm an addict.
I also believe that Dallen H Oaks wrote it for the youth because he said that he did. And I believe that since he's an apostle and called of God to be such, then in some way he must agree with Jeffery R Hollands talk about pornography
http://utahcoalition.org/elder-jeffrey-r-holland-the-plague-of-pornography/
Titled "The Plague of Pornography" where he tells us all, if we knew how dangerous this was, we would really be treating it like the plague. It would be broadcast on every News source, people would be shouting it from the rooftops, warning their neighbors, etc.
So, Since Jeffery R Holland is right, and Dallen H Oaks is right, then pornography addiction is real and it is very very serious and DANGEROUS.
If you are one of the lucky few that can stop and stay stopped. That's awesome man. That's so great and I am so happy that you don't have to go through what I've gone through. Good for you.
I have loads and loads of materials by renown psychologists, scientists, psychiatrists, and smart people that can show factual proof of the dangers of pornography/Sex/Lust addiction if you'd like me to pass on the info.
Thank you for your comments. I appreciate you speaking what you believe. God bless.

4 comments:

  1. Thank you for your posts. I have struggled with it in the past but I have recently relapsed. In your experience, did you have to confess every time you relapsed?

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    Replies
    1. I believe so. It sucks. It really sucks to confess what happened. But I don't believe there's any way we can progress without it. Keeping it to ourselves continues the fear and shame that we've been cycling through for most of our lives.
      And believe me, it's always better to be the one to come forward and talk about it. In my experience, and in the experiences of many who I've talked to, their spouses were urged by the spirit to look things up and search things out. God loves us. And he also loves those we live with. It's better for them that they know, and it's better for us as well. It's rough, I'm sorry you've got to go through it. And I'm here to comfort you if you need it. I support God in loving you and in you loving yourself.

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