Know Thyself

Alright, I've gotten to a point where I can't listen to certain things anymore without putting a foot down and making sure that addicts are aware of the doom they are putting themselves under.

    Here are some examples I've heard recently from people on online groups and PASG meetings:

"I did it again, I looked up some things I shouldn't have. But I went to my bishop because I want to make sure I'm clean enough to rebaptize my dad next week..."

"My bishop said if I can refrain from masturbating for six weeks, we'll talk about me being rebaptized..."

"I've been having problems with masturbating when I get up lately, and I'm glad my bishop is letting me bless our baby this coming Sunday..."

"I have six months of sobriety (though I've had done close calls) and I'm not allowed to be married in the temple..."

"I acted out last week, so I went to the temple yesterday and felt sooo much peace..."

A part of me knows where you're coming from. I've been there done that. I wish I could go back in time and strike myself down on several occasions.

   After hearing these kinds of statements I think, "Why would a bishop ever say that or allow him/her to do that? Why does that feel a little bit off to me?"

      There are a number of reasons why bishops give this false information out to us. I call it false because if they knew everything about addiction and addicts and how our insanity works, they'd never say these things.

First things first. If you've ever said one of these statements, chances are you lied to your bishop or stake president. You either outright lied, -"I don't look at porn or masturbate anymore"- OR you minimized. -"I haven't acted out in six months!" When actually it's been 3 weeks- either way these are both NOT truth. So you are partly to blame for your bishops decisions.

Second, I might get A Lot of flak on this..... (BECAUSE THESE ARE BOMBS THAT WILL BLOW YOUR MIND!)

Don't trust your bishop to know what to do.

BOOM....

Your bishop CANNOT help you with addiction unless he is a trained and licensed professional therapist.

BOOM...

Your bishop doesn't know when you are in recovery.

BOOM....

Are you still alive? Are you ready to kill me? Burn me at the stake. (Or stake center) haha.

     Can I at least tell you why first?

      I'm not saying your bishop is the bad guy. I'm not saying you shouldn't listen to his counsel. I'm sure he has great advice and spiritual insight. I agree that he is a Judge in Israel and is God's guide to helping you work through repentance from sin.

     And while acting out in addiction is a sin, having an addiction is something else entirely.

     In fact, 95% of the time, if not 98%, your bishop has NO CLUE about addiction. It's not their fault. They are not qualified and God has not qualified them to do that. He's qualified to take care of the members of his ward, help them with their repentance process and give them support and counsel.

    Most bishops have normal jobs. Some of them are contractors, bankers, teachers, and businessmen. They are human, they are men, fathers, husbands -- they are not therapists. Most know little about addiction and insanity. A really good bishop will recognize this and give you advice based on his knowledge from life and books he's read, and then get you to see a therapist or others who know more about it than he does.

       I've heard of bishops who say, "just stop."

      "Your husband is hurting and needs you"

      "You need to be more physically intimate with your husband"

     "You are not an addict"

     "Just wanting to change means you're in recovery"

These are examples of suggestions some bishops say that make no sense or do not apply to addicts.

Okay, I'll back off of bishops for the moment. In fact, most of my life I've had awesome inspired bishops that I've loved.

    

         So it comes down to this, are you really worthy to bless your baby if you've been acting out all week? Are you really worthy to enter the temple if you've looked at pornography and masturbated or fantasized about sex any time recently? Are you really worthy to give blessings, baptize, and stand in holy places if you are not holy?

       

          Doing these things just because a bishop (no matter how awesome he is) says you're ready when you really aren't, doesn't make you ready. And it doesn't make you blameless. In fact, because you know better, your blame is intensified. There is no get out of jail free card.

      You are accountable for opening your mouth as well as for closing it. If your bishop gives you false information, it is not only your responsibility to not go through with it, but it is also your responsibility to tell him why. Bishops NEED our help in understanding what addiction is and what it does.

       For doing these things; going to the temple, blessing or baptizing others, partaking off the sacrament -unworthy- brings us under heavier condemnation. Why? Because we aren't sober. We aren't being honest. And it buries us further in our shame and misery. It destroys not only us, but the trust and hope of our loved ones.

      If we were really sober, we wouldn't be hiding. We wouldn't be doing these things to "look" the part to everyone else around us. We'd be hearing that guilt inside is direct us to a better future.