Every Day is Day One

There's this thing called sobriety, and it's important and not important at the same time.

    I've been going to some new meetings in my area.  They are Sexaholics Anonymous Lifeline meetings, otherwise known as SAL.

    They are awesome meetings.  The best meetings I've ever gone to. In the beginning of the meetings we all introduce ourselves and one of the things we share is how long we've been sober for.

     This is good in the sense that it gets it right out on the table. There is no hiding. In some of the meetings I've gone to you didn't have to say this. In others you got to define your own sobriety, which I think is insane thinking.

      In one such meeting I had a pretty awesome revelation. No one said it, and no one was even talking about it. But it was this: Length of sobriety doesn't mean anything.

      I know I've mentioned before how if someone looks at pornography years apart, but if they continue to look they are still an addict in the addiction cycle.

      But length of good strong recovery inducing sobriety doesn't mean anything. I know this might sound baffling so let me explain, this great sobriety with which an addict can change their behavior is great for marking progress. It's awesome for me to look back and judge how well I've been doing since this certain date to now. It's also very helpful for staying away from specific things or situations for a length of time to be able to see more clearly when those things or situations are forced back upon me.

        But does an addict's days of sobriety, months of sobriety, years of sobriety give him added power to face today? Do the days of sobriety add up in some kind of ultra-power bonus pack that helps me with today?

No.

Today is today.

       I can't ever say that yesterday's sobriety will carry over to today. Or that the last X amount of months of sobriety will take care of me today. It doesn't work like that.

       I have to be just as dependent on God today as any day. The sad truth is that I can relapse at any moment. I don't care how many years of sobriety someone has, relapse will always be a very present very real threat.

      Every day is the first day. As we read in the “white” book, ask or knowledge could've save us. Yeah it's useful and helpful in different ways, but it doesn't make me stay sober. There isn't anything there I can rely on to keep me sober. Every day is day one. I may know a whole lot more, I may have a lot of great behavioral changes, but its just as easy for me to choose Lust over Love. Every day I have to rely on God for sobriety 100%

      I've been noticing lately that the longer one has in genuine sobriety and Recovery the more vulnerable and wary they are of the danger. For some reason I has the mindset that the more sobriety one has, the more impervious they are to lust in all its forms. This is a lie.

      I can only get better at understanding how lust works inside me and how to better guard and keep away from it, and most importantly how better to turn my will to God.

      I was talking with a friend of mine in the program; we were talking about war and the Nephites. It is interesting that even though the Lamanites would attack them pretty much constantly the Nephites could defend against them, but God never permitted them to go into the Lamanite territory and attack them. The only time the Nephites did this was when they were most wicked and God left them to their own fate.

       This makes me think of my addiction. God is telling me that if I build up the boundaries and fortifications and work on myself, he will protect me. That's not saying that there won't be strife or that it's not going to be hard or painful. It DOES mean that He will watch over me and I will be able to view myself as good and with love. And I'll have security and peace.