Is Everything Gray or Black and White?

Can I just say something real quick? This wont take long. (well, who knows, it could.) But I am really sick of people stating that things aren't black and white. I've heard some people talk, I've read some blogs, and I've almost gotten into a debate with some guy who was somehow trying to tell me that masturbating sometimes can be okay, its not always black and white. All of these are members of the church by the way.

   And I guess I'm just kind of baffled by this. Addiction isn't black and white? Certain things in an addict's life are a gray area? God's ways are a gray area? WHAT? ARE YOU SERIOUS?

   I have LIVED MY LIFE in that gray area. Or wait, let me restate. I have LIVED MY LIFE believing there was a gray area. As an addict I want to believe everything is gray. 

   "Well, I was having a sex dream...soooo...its okay to finish..."

   "Man my day has been sooooo stressful, this is really helping me..."

   "This will all go away after I'm married..."

   "If I take photos/videos of my wife, or THINK about my wife while masturbating, its okay..."

   "I feel like the spirit says its okay to masturbate because..."

   "I looked at porn and masturbated, but its been SOOO long since I did it the last time, and I don't plan on doing it again, so I don't need to tell my wife/bishop/sponsor..."

   "Its okay if I slip if I learn something from it..."

   Gray areas...I believe gray areas are fabrications we make to get away with something we know is wrong. 

   "Well he didn't specify that masturbation is wrong in every instance...so...this must be one of those instances..."

    I was talking with a kid once who was getting ready to go on a mission, he said he had a problem with pornography and masturbation and was wondering if he needed to tell his bishop and get things straightened out before he goes. I basically said, HELL YES.

   People didn't like that. I was told by someone that if everyone decided to stay home from their mission because they had a masturbation problem then no one would go on missions. My response. GOOD. At least they were willing to be honest and get help. In fact, I think it's safe to say that God would rather you be honest with yourself and stay home and get help and then see if you want to go on a mission, rather than go on one and have loads of regret later. 

    Someone wanted to know if masturbating to pictures of their wife was a sin or not. Hahaha. I said yes. Others said it depends. Others said it was a gray area. Like Nephi killing Laban. I think they were trying to equate killing Laban to murder, which are two different things entirely. 

    I don't mean to burst anyone's bubble. But there really isn't a gray area. God is very straight forward, God is very black and white. If you sin you are damned. If you follow the precepts and commandments of God perfectly, you are saved. 

   I can already see what will happen if I say this in Priesthood. There would be an uproar as people try to clarify. But that is the ultimate clarity. God cannot allow sin in the LEAST degree. He doesn't say that little sins are okay. He doesn't say that if there's no other way and you feel like you HAVE to sin, its okay. He says NO SIN. NONE. ZERO. 

  But...what...what if you are starving, and your family is starving, and so you steal food. That's okay. Right?

  No. I'm sure that in some aspects of it, Christ will take your sin upon himself, but it's still a sin. 

  God knows that we love to believe in gray areas. That's why he gave us 10 definite commandments to start off with, and then continues to give us more to build off of. 

   But we know for certain that God said there is NO ALLOWANCE for sin and that ALL SIN COMES WITH A PUNISHMENT AFFIXED. These are rules that even God can't get around. Sin is sin and there is a price affixed to every sin.

   What does that mean for us the sinners? That we are damned, but saved ONLY on the merits of Jesus Christ. What does that mean? We know that the sin MUST BE PAID FOR. God can't wave the fee. When He talks about blotting out our sins in the big book, he isn't erasing them from existence. He is TRANSFERRING the sin to someone else. The price MUST be paid. There is no way around it. So if we do our best in the repentance process and stop doing the sin that we are doing, what happens to that price? Christ pays that price. 

   I don't know what a "normal" person can do. I stopped being normal before I knew how to write.  I'm an addict and so I can only say what I know about being an addict. For us, the addicted, the more "gray" areas we believe are in our lives, the worse off we'll be.

   The Anti-Nephi-Lehis were great at understanding this. They knew even to get out of the gray areas. Sure, they could have KEPT their swords, their weapons of war. They could have used them to cut their fields, chop wood, etc. They could have kept the metal around long enough to melt them down and form them into something else. But they knew one thing that I as an addict still struggle with, Life is a lot easier when you live in black and white. It might seem like it sucks, but addicts NEED routine, stability, rules. These people KNEW that there might be even the SLIGHTEST most TINIEST desire to pick up that sword and hurt someone. That even using that sword as a tool for cutting wood or whatever would REMIND them of their addiction to blood lust. That even shaping it into a new completely harmless tool, would still trigger their minds to how things WERE. 

   So they completely got rid of them. End of story. What does that mean for me as an addict to lust and pornography? What are my weapons? Well, I've seen a lot of bad stuff on tv. I've acted out to a lot of bad stuff on tv. Now my tv is password protected. There are I believe only 4 tv channels that are not locked on my tv. And 3 of those are the disney channels, the 4th is the BYU channel. Not only that, but its password protected for shows TV-7Y and up. So yeah, I'm stuck with Doc McStuffins and Sophia the first, Micky Mouse Club house (I hate that show so much) and my all time favorite Disney Channel show, Octonauts. So I can only watch normal tv when my wife is home and around. Does it suck? OH MY GOSH. I CANNOT TELL YOU HOW BAD IT SUCKS. Especially when my wife is gone with her friends or out of town, and all I have to watch is disney cartoons or byu. (oh wait, we do have that baby first channel unlocked). Do I sometimes want to shoot myself. Yes. But is it worth it. YES. YES. YES. YES. Who knows, maybe someday I'll be able to have free reign over the tv. We thought just blocking rated R shows and above would be enough in the past, but then I relapsed to infomercials and lame stuff. So no, I can't handle that. 

   I don't have an ipad. Our home computer is locked and I can't get on it unless my wife is with me. I cannot access the internet or 99% of the apps on my phone. I do not have an xbox. Why? Because I can't handle them. I love art, but do I have art books in my home that show provocative  material, even greek statues? no, because I can't trust myself. Does it suck. Yeah it can. But how do I feel about myself. OOOOOh man I feel so free in some ways. 

   Am I saying all of you should do this? Heck I don't know. Am I trying to brag? No, i'm trying to tell you I am so far into my addiction that I'll act out on INFOMERCIALS AND ANCIENT GREEK STATUES! That's how messed up my head is.

   Now I can only try and base working toward recovery based off of what others have done that works. The Anti-Nephi-Lehis had to give up opportunity to reestablish a correct perception of agency. They had to eliminate the gray areas. Would defending their families a sin? No, but the chance that fighting could affect them negatively was there. even if it was a sliver. Even after their change of heart. 

   I don't know about "normal" people. Maybe they can masturbate and feel like God thinks its okay. Maybe they can not mention it to their bishop or their wives. I don't know. but I do know, for an addict. There are no gray areas. There can be no gray areas. Would having an ipad be beneficial for my family and children? Help them learn and play, absolutely. But its not worth it here. 

   Sin is sin. The price you have to pay might be big or small, but all sin keeps us away from God's presence. 

   God doesn't say its okay to sin sometimes. He doesn't say that sometimes self sexual gratification is good, depending on the circumstance. He says no. Addicts can't trust their own thinking. Why? Because we will talk us into acting out EVERY TIME. Our brains are broken after all.